


but never doubt I love

by dreadpiratewatson



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Established Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not as angsty as it sounds, Panic Attacks, Protective Harry Hart, SO MUCH FLUFF, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadpiratewatson/pseuds/dreadpiratewatson
Summary: Eggsy doesn’t deserve him. Eggsy doesn’t deserve anything. But yet, there he is, two years later, lying in bed with the man he had tried for so many months to impress, as a way to make up for what he had done, knowing very well it would never be enough. Somehow, Harry Hart had lived, and decided to give his life to Eggsy Unwin of all people, the one person who didn’t deserve a damn thing.





	but never doubt I love

**Author's Note:**

> HOOOOOOOORRRRRAAAAYYYYYY!! My first fanfic in over a year!! I know it's probably total shit, but hey, at least I wrote SOMETHNG, right? As for my other fics, they're not abandoned. I had to take a really long break from writing for personal reasons, but I'm hoping to get back into it finally. I'm very excited to be back. I hope you guys enjoy this!! :)
> 
> -Stevie

It’s late. Or early, actually, well into the dim morning hours, where witches are said to dwell, and the street lamps make pools of orange on the rain quilted roads. It’s a peaceful night, now that the rain has stopped beating against every windowpane in Stanhope Mews, but yet, Eggsy cannot sleep. Instead, he lies there, wide eyed, and heart racing, while Harry Hart sleeps soundlessly beside him.

Eggsy doesn’t know where all of these thoughts came from. He doesn’t know why they won’t just go away.

This happens sometimes; all of his frightening memories from his past come back in the middle of the night to remind him of who he is, and where he came from, and although the past should make him grateful, it only makes him more afraid.

He thinks about everything. His mom. His dad. Dean. Harry. Kingsman. Roxy. Merlin. Daisy. _Harry._ It goes on and on. Tonight, his fixation is the beautiful man sleeping next to him. Harry Hart, his mentor, his boyfriend, his sun, his moon, his stars, his whole reason for waking up in the morning, and every other silly cliche he can begin to think of. Harry is the love of his life. Normally, when Eggsy thinks about Harry, it’s nothing but joyful thoughts, and memories. Even when he’s mad at Harry, he can’t help but think about how much he loves him. Eggsy is gone for him. They’ve been so happy for so long…

So then why can’t he forget?

Tonight, all he can think about is the fight they had before Harry left for Kentucky, so long ago. The argument in the bathroom, surrounded by butterflies and a vaguely creepy stuffed dog, the one that Eggsy was left thinking about over and over again, night after night, while Harry was still on the precipice of death in the Kingsman hospital.

_You should be. You just stay right there, I’ll sort this out when I get back._

The next thing Eggsy knew, he was watching Valentine’s bullet split Harry’s skull, and then there was nothing.

For six months, six incredibly long, horrible months, Harry Hart was on the unofficial list of the dead, and Eggsy had never felt such a deep, gut wrenching devastation in his whole life. He couldn’t sleep most nights. Even after Harry woke up, and was on the road to recovery, Eggsy still had nights where he couldn’t help but think about how close he was to losing him forever. And god… did it hurt.

It’s been two years since Harry woke up. It’s been two years since Eggsy had launched himself across the hospital room, into Harry’s awaiting arms, and broke down into loud, gasping sobs against his chest. Harry’s hand had been tangled in his hair, the other wrapped tightly around his shoulders, and it was then that Eggsy had whimpered out a pathetic sounding ‘I love you’, and at the sound of Harry’s soft laugh, and gentle ‘I love you too’, very slowly, Eggsy began to heal.

Which is why this makes no sense now. After so long, and so much healing, why can’t Eggsy forget?

Harry should have died.

Harry should have died that day he stared down Valentine’s gun outside the church. He should have never forgiven Eggsy for failing the dog test, even though Chester King was a colossal dickhead. Still, Harry should have never forgiven him for how he spoke to him. He didn’t have to come and save him, he could have left him in a jail cell to rot, but he didn’t, and he should have. Eggsy doesn’t deserve him. Eggsy doesn’t deserve anything.

But yet, there he is, two years later, lying in bed with the man he had tried for so many months to impress, as a way to make up for what he had done, knowing very well it would never be enough. Somehow, Harry Hart had lived, and decided to give his life to Eggsy Unwin of all people, the one person who didn’t deserve a damn thing.

Suddenly, a soft sob erupts from his chest, and he quickly moves to cover his mouth with his hand. Tears are already cascading down the sides of his face and falling on the pillow behind him, and in his head, there’s an endless mantra of _stop crying, stop crying, stop crying, you’ll wake up Harry, stop fucking crying-_

It’s too late. Harry, who is always completely alert, whether he’s awake or not, feels another sob rocket through Eggsy’s body, and is immediately awake.

“Eggsy?” He rasps, his voice full of sleep.

Quickly, the younger man tries to cover up the fact that he’s crying. “Sorry, babe.” He whispers. “Go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He knows Harry can hear how weak his voice sounds, and sure enough, Harry turns over to face his boyfriend, face pale in the light seeping in from the windows. His eyes sweep Eggsy’s face, takes in the red puffiness, and knows immediately. He reaches out, and caresses Eggsy’s face, wiping a tear from his cheekbone. “Eggsy, darling… You’re crying.”

He sniffles, and shakes his head. “‘M fine…” He lies.

Harry’s voice remains soft. “Eggsy.”

“I’m _fine,_ Harry. Promise. Go back to sleep.” He tries to insist. “I swear, I’m-”

_“Eggsy.”_

That’s all it takes.

Eggsy’s heart clenches, his lip trembles, and tears spill over again. _“Harry…”_ He gasps out.

Next thing he knows, he’s being swept up into Harry’s arms, cradled like a baby against his chest. “Oh, darling boy…” He whispers. “I’ve got you. It’s alright.”

Eggsy can’t stop the tears now. Everything he’s been holding in, all of the regret, all of the guilt, all of the sadness, it all comes rushing out, and there are so many thoughts, so many feelings... They come at full force, staining his face and soaking Harry’s nightshirt, all while Harry is stroking his back and pressing kisses into his hair, telling him how much he loves him.

They stay there for a long time, until Eggsy is just so exhausted from crying that he can barely keep his heavy eyes open anymore. “I’m sorry, Harry…” He mumbles, feeling guilty now.

Harry’s arms tighten around him. “Never be sorry, darling. You’ve been holding it in for far too long. Never apologize to me.”

If Eggsy had had anymore energy, he probably would have teared up again, just from the sheer love he feels for Harry Hart. “I love you, Harry. I really, really love you.”

This time, Harry chuckles. “As I love you.”

They stay still for a moment, then, Harry maneuvers them down onto the bed, ever so carefully, so that he can still keep Eggsy close to him while they sleep. “Hush now, darling boy. We can talk in the morning if you’d like. Sleep.”

Eggsy doesn’t need to be told twice. His body is already beginning to feel like it’s floating.

 _Tomorrow will be new,_ he thinks. Tomorrow morning, they’ll make breakfast together, and they’ll watch an episode of the show they’ve recently gotten into, and Harry will roll his eyes fondly at his silly jokes, while JB makes pug noises at their feet. They’ll work, they’ll come home, and everything will be perfect. Just as it always it.

 _I do deserve this._ He thinks, just as he’s drifting off to sleep. He buries his face in the pillow, just close enough to Harry to be able to smell the lingering scent of cologne in the sheets. His heart feels warm, and full of love. _I deserve you._


End file.
